Goodbye Work-Life Balance, I Won't Miss You
Show me a person who has achieved balance and they're happier for it, and I'll follow them for the rest of my life.
Show me a person who has achieved balance and they're happier for it, and I'll follow them for the rest of my life.
Balance as preached by many is a myth. An ever-receding ideal. Close enough for us to see it, but not close enough for us to have our grip on it. It's like that line from the movie Godfather, "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." Just when you think you have it, you don't have it.
Which do you actually chase week to week?
Tap an option to vote — you'll see the room.
Sometimes I think of balance as a supernatural figure in a faraway universe, laughing off, and toying with our emotions. Giving us false hope, and like a shadow, we see it, but we can't quite grab it. We live with the comfort of knowing it's within reach, but not quite reachable. We're like Apocalypse zombies, "Me want balance." "Me want balance."
Well, I'm leaving the Zombieland. Bye-bye balance, it's definitely you, not me. Don't text me or reach me, I will ignore you and block you. DIE!
Hello, Work-Life Satisfaction
Why did it take me so long to find you? Where were you hiding this whole time? I guess it's true, you gotta kiss the frogs first.
When planning to get married, I approached someone I deeply respect for marriage advice. I was planning to future-proof my marriage (Cringe).
I sit down and ask him, "What advice do you have for me, sir?" I sit there in eager expectation, hoping for life-changing wisdom, and advice that will make me a GOAT husband. He proceeded to say, "Well, know this, in different seasons of your life, you will be satisfied by different things. There will be seasons where your marriage and wife are who significantly contribute to your satisfaction, there will be seasons your kids do that for you, and there will be seasons your job does that for you. This is only natural."
What a joke. This is what I thought after hearing this advice. This guy clearly doesn't love his wife, I thought. So, I left and sought advice from wiser sages. Those who will make me a GOAT husband.
Fast forward.
Years later, after living a little, and experiencing a little, I am nowhere near GOAT status and let's just say, the advice that has kept me afloat is the one I thought was trash when I first heard it (my apologies sensei.) Not because GOAT husbands don't exist, they do. But because I wanted to be a GOAT in other things as well. And what I failed to realize is that the wise man was giving me the advice to live a GOAT life. A fulfilling life. A life of victory and failure. A life of mountain tops and deep valleys. A full life.
Balance is a Lie
The concept of balance is a lie because you'll never achieve it, and even if you do, you won't like it. Balance sucks. Balance means you're equally and unproductively divided. You're not all in on anything, but half-in here, and half-in there. Achieving balance means reaching a state of perpetual anxiety that can lead to great dissatisfaction because you're not killing it anywhere. And I believe, we humans derive great satisfaction when we are fully immersed in at least one thing at any given moment.
A life of deep satisfaction is one that you clearly understand. There will be seasons where you dedicate more of your time to your family because that's what's required or that's what you've chosen. And in this season, you'll be a GOAT mom. But you'll be average at work. And there will be seasons you dedicate more of your time to your work, in this season you'll be average at marriage/parenting, etc.
I am not advocating for a life of neglect. But a life of All-In and good enough. All-In in one aspect and good enough in other aspects.
Understanding that there will be times you need to be All-In at home, but simply good enough at work. And there will be times you must be All-In at work and good enough at home. And there will be times you need to be All-In with your health and good enough everywhere else. A mix of All-In and good enough leads to a deeply satisfying life, not balance.
Where are you actually All-In this season?
Tap an option to vote — you'll see the room.
A mix of All-In and good enough leads to a deeply satisfying life, not balance.
When we think of balance, some people speak of tightrope walkers, but have you ever wondered if they can text and tightrope? I mean, I'd love to see that.
Goodbye, Balance,
Your Ex,
Ben Owden.
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Ben Owden
Speaker, moderator, facilitator. I work with leaders on culture, decision making, and the art of running rooms that actually decide things.
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